"Helping me understand my wife..."
Geoff and Jenae RodgersThe Flag page has changed our marriage in amazing ways. With Geoff’s number one motivation being thrive’s on encouragement and my main motivation being perfectionist, we have come to understand why that has been a stumbling block in our marriage. While trying to help Geoff be the best he can be I was critizing the very heart of who Geoff is. Not only that, approaching marriage from two different countries has been challenging. Me being from perfect country wants to get it right, set goals, learn as much as possible, and know where we’re going. Geoff primarily wants to have fun and be with many people. I would take this personal, not understanding why he wasn’t seeing things the way I did. The flag page has confirmed what we have been feeling all along in our 11 years of marriage. That we are very different but that we complement and need each other’s strengths. The flag continually reminds us of what our spouse is passionate about and how we can either support or stomp on them. We have seen the power of what supporting each other’s flag has done. Our spouse becomes safe and relaxed to be all that God has created us to be.
Geoff and Jenae RodgersMy wife and I have been married for seven years and this last year has been the hardest of our marriage. We have been watching the Laugh Your Way series in our small group. We watched the Flag Page segment tonight and my wife and I took our Flag Pages afterwards. I was finally able to see how my thinking has been wrong. She lives in fun/peace country and I live in control/perfect country. I realize this is a very intolerant thing to say, but I didn’t think that Fun country was a valid place to exist. Because of that, I have been invalidating her non-verbally for years and she in turn has repressed that part of herself when she is around me. As we talked through this stuff, I felt my wife’s heart leap as her “Flag” validated who she was as a person. Thank you for helping me understand my wife more clearly. I hope that through this greater understanding of differences, I can help my wife thrives as an even greater wife and mother. What you are doing is making a difference!
When we did our flag page, things were not going well for both Nancy and I. I fought mild depression and was certainly not myself. When I read my completed Flag Page I said "Hey, that's me! That's really me! That's who I'm supposed to be." What caused me to not be who I really am?
Nancy read my Flag Pages and said "Yes, that is you. A good you!". After listening to Mark Gungor, we realized that we need to respect who we both really were and the Flag Page finally showed us that.
Even now, 4 years later, I was dealing with some computer problems and saw my Flag Page again. We look at our Flag Pages and remembered that we need to continue to be the people we really are. It's such a great tool.
The Flag Page continues to remind me that I should not get distracted from our real priorities that caused us to lose ourselves just living life. A lot of the things we were doing with our time were not important, but the Flag Page gives us a simple perspective that brings us back to our real priorities of time with our family.